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THANK GOD FOR JUNE: It is said that a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. This year has been amazing. I’m thankful for big stuff, small stuff, standard stuff, personal stuff. I don’t know if I’ll post them all. I’m just going to go with it. I hope you read something that feels good.

My Mother adjusted her scarf as she leaned into her friend. We’d reached the tough part of the spiritual retreat; they wiped the tears from their faces as they giggled together. It made me remember high school. It made me remember college. It made me remember last week.

A while back, I watched a movie trailer where a woman is arguing with her husband about his best friend. “I don’t think the issues of his life are your problem,” she says to him. To which, Owen Wilson’s character responds,

“Nobody believes in friendship. People talk about it, but that’s the thing about friendship. It’s a lot rarer than love because there’s nothing in it for anybody.”

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I don’t know what makes one person easier to open up to than another. I don’t know why some people want to strangle me while others just look at me and tell me I’m amazing. I don’t know why I get offered patience, love, and hugs when I can’t even stand myself. I don’t know why people think it’s a good idea to call me when they are struggling. I don’t know why they’ve trusted me, thought better of me, and had faith in me. Because after listening to me rant for about an hour straight, someone can peacefully say, “I think you’re great” and blow all my sadness to hell.

For the people who take care of me when the tears are too thick, my faith is too weak, and the tequila is too strong. For the people who have walked me through my panic attacks. That have trusted me with their hearts, with their worries, with theirs fears. Moreover, the people who have taken care of mine. For the people who have demanded that I believe in miracles, magic, and lobsters. For the souls who have refused to give up on me and who my heart has never been able to give up on.

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One of my favorite writers, Mario Benedetti wrote:

Todos necesitamos alguna vez un cómplice, alguien que nos ayude a usar el corazón.

We are all in need of an accomplice, someone who helps us to use our heart.

Because sometimes it’s the part of us that the world considers mad, that part that needs fixing that someone else considers to be magic. And on top of that, somewhere along the road, they get us to believe in our madness–our magic, too.

For the people who have made me divinely human. For the extra breath. For the extra faith. For the people who have made me feel a little more alive, a little safer, I’m thankful.

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In the same trailer, Zach Galifianakis’ character is asked by his therapist, if he’s afraid in life. His response:

“I feel alone in the universe, except for Steve.” 

To my Steves: You know who you are and for you, I am forever grateful.

About Antonella Saravia

Antonella is a New York based writer from Nicaragua.

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